Seriously? In a world with an ever-growing number of sex toys, even sex robots, and liberals so slutty the CDC has warned to avoid using Tinder because it has caused a global STD epidemic, this happens?
As if he couldn’t find a bottle of Astroglide and pause for a few minutes at Pornhub or something, or even find a goat and imitate the 7th century barbarians in the Middle East, this happens?
Wow, just WOW…
A Kansas man (seen in photo below) was charged today with lewd and lascivious behavior for his repeated attempts to have sex with the tailpipe of a parked automobile, according to court records.
Ryan Malek, 23, was named in a Municipal Court complaint accusing him of exposing himself with the intent of arousing or gratifying “sexual desires.” Malek has been summoned to appear in court on July 19 to answer the criminal charge.
Pictured above, Malek, cops say, was intoxicated when he sought to tryst with a vehicle on May 1 in Newton, a city 25 miles north of Wichita.
Local cops responding to a 911 call about a man beneath a vehicle discovered Malek endeavoring to place his penis into the tailpipe of a car parked outside an apartment complex. Malek, a Newton resident, was “oblivious” when initially contacted by police.
Malek, whose blood alcohol content was later measured at more than four times the legal limit, continued trying to have sex with the tailpipe in the presence of officers. Cops subsequently tased Malek, took him into custody, and transported him to a local hospital for treatment.
The criminal complaint lists six witnesses who reportedly saw Malek trying to have sex with the tailpipe. Malek’s rap sheet includes arrests for marijuana possession and aggravated assault.
For more hilarious crime news, be sure to check out The Smoking Gun.
Mr Americana, Overpasses News Desk
June 21st, 2018